Translation: The nonchalant realization of age… or at least I try to be

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who was sweet enough to greet me on my birthday — whether it was early, last Tuesday or even late. Thanks also to my friends who vacated their Saturdays to join me in my early birthday festivities and bought me a lovely dress!

I tried my best to thank each person who greeted me through text. If you didn’t receive anything, I still thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hope you didn’t reach me using my Globe number, though. That phone has been dead for months now.

In the spirit of birthday celebrations. I’m going to evaluate last year’s wish list. Let’s see…

This week can be summarized in a few sentences:

1. What I did ever since ever is junk.
2. I have no common sense.
3. I am too emotional (even if it’s all caused by severe lack of tact)
4. I’m better off in hardware design and software development (stress in DESIGN whenever HARDWARE is involved).
5. My career goals are in jeopardy.
6. I am too emotional…

I really would like to post something philosophical in nature to describe the new year. But alas, I can’t think of anything good to write. So here I am with a year-end review meme.

In my weird (borderline obsessive) fixation on my (hopefully near) graduation, I realized this is going to be the last Christmas season I’ll have before I finish my degree. So in true student spirit, or at least mine, I end up scouring any free time I have for studying.

It’s a good thing that at least children will always be excited during this time of year. I guess the wonders of Christmas are demystified once you hit 12… and then crushed at 18. After all, gifts and aguinaldo depreciate exponentially with age and you have to make sure you’re not a godparent as well. Decorations, food and gifts always demand time, energy and money and traffic is just horrible anywhere. And if you are an errand runner or kitchen personnel like the older kids, it would be forever before you have any lounging time to spend on books and in my case: soldering materials, readings and thesis.

Although, I have been wishing to commemorate this last-Christmas-season-before-graduation with something. Right now, all I can do is catch up on the latest episodes of House and some movies I have been dying to see. Regular sleep is also on top of my list too. Once January starts, who knows how many hours of sleep I can manage.

Oh well, this little pleasures should do as of the moment. Besides, I could easily do other exciting things AFTER I graduate  (I just hope I have my license by then ). Cheesy as it sounds, as long as you have family, friends and a loved one to share it with, Christmas is complete. Hopefully, other people would be just as content.

Merry Christmas to everyone!  

A blogging hiatus for almost two months is not a good sign, even for an occasional blogger like me.

Of course like the others, neglecting this blog has never been intentional.  Life just always get in the way of comforting leisure.  Which has been the occurring trend nowadays…

No, I am not here to rant about how pathetic dorm life is with a non-existent internet connection or tons of academic work that seems to be piling up. Heck, I don’t even want to dive into the details of my poor time management skills down to the ‘reserved’ planner which I might be getting really late (with added charge to boot). Because, sometimes I really think that needless ranting is unfair to those who are going through much harder sh*t. Not to mention the complete waste of  time, and internet bandwidth.

I just want to reaffirm my existence here in cyberspace. And actually do something unrelated to what I usually do.

Sembreak? One of those trademark questions that one of my adviser’s been asking nowadays. Apparently, she doesn’t intend us to have one. She’d rather us keep our Christmas vacation as vacant as possible since it is supposed to be for family time and not some academic undertaking.

But here I am, almost half a day away from taking a plane to Cebu.

This trip has been planned ever since summer and we have already availed of the airline’s fare discounts. Canceling would only mean spending money for nothing so backing out is not an option.

What bothers me now is how I would ever relax knowing that I’m leaving a huge mountain of workload that would only grow until I tend to it? I’m really tempted to bring my laptop and do my work there. Then again, it defeats the purpose of a vacation in the first place. Pretty stupid of me to let my mother spend on another working venue for me.

I think I deserve this break. After what I’ve been through, taking a breather might actually be a  critical decision, physiologically speaking.

And my adviser did say ‘Don’t get sick.’ So, it may be hitting two birds with one stone. It’s only for four days, afterall. I can tackle all my tasks during the weekend.

Time to check the tires. As they say, fuel consumption will lessen if your tires are properly aligned and inflated.

As if things would not get any worse, life just tortured me again with more sh*t.

I’m depressed, upset, irate, afraid and really really tired. Surviving the remaining days of the semester would have been more bearable if I wouldn’t have to deal with a battered ego and very low morale.

Why is it that despite exhausting all my time, effort and energy, I still found myself lacking and failing? Does things have to always turn out different from the way I have hoped it to be?

Have faith. Keep on praying. That’s what my mother would say over and over. Although her words are really comforting, I doubt if I could do a complete 180 in time.

I need a long vacation. Or at least decent hours of peaceful sleep. Or maybe a sensible talk with someone just to release my tension. And no, anxiety attacks do NOT count as release.