A blogging hiatus for almost two months is not a good sign, even for an occasional blogger like me.

Of course like the others, neglecting this blog has never been intentional.  Life just always get in the way of comforting leisure.  Which has been the occurring trend nowadays…

No, I am not here to rant about how pathetic dorm life is with a non-existent internet connection or tons of academic work that seems to be piling up. Heck, I don’t even want to dive into the details of my poor time management skills down to the ‘reserved’ planner which I might be getting really late (with added charge to boot). Because, sometimes I really think that needless ranting is unfair to those who are going through much harder sh*t. Not to mention the complete waste of  time, and internet bandwidth.

I just want to reaffirm my existence here in cyberspace. And actually do something unrelated to what I usually do.

Sembreak? One of those trademark questions that one of my adviser’s been asking nowadays. Apparently, she doesn’t intend us to have one. She’d rather us keep our Christmas vacation as vacant as possible since it is supposed to be for family time and not some academic undertaking.

But here I am, almost half a day away from taking a plane to Cebu.

This trip has been planned ever since summer and we have already availed of the airline’s fare discounts. Canceling would only mean spending money for nothing so backing out is not an option.

What bothers me now is how I would ever relax knowing that I’m leaving a huge mountain of workload that would only grow until I tend to it? I’m really tempted to bring my laptop and do my work there. Then again, it defeats the purpose of a vacation in the first place. Pretty stupid of me to let my mother spend on another working venue for me.

I think I deserve this break. After what I’ve been through, taking a breather might actually be a  critical decision, physiologically speaking.

And my adviser did say ‘Don’t get sick.’ So, it may be hitting two birds with one stone. It’s only for four days, afterall. I can tackle all my tasks during the weekend.

Time to check the tires. As they say, fuel consumption will lessen if your tires are properly aligned and inflated.

As if things would not get any worse, life just tortured me again with more sh*t.

I’m depressed, upset, irate, afraid and really really tired. Surviving the remaining days of the semester would have been more bearable if I wouldn’t have to deal with a battered ego and very low morale.

Why is it that despite exhausting all my time, effort and energy, I still found myself lacking and failing? Does things have to always turn out different from the way I have hoped it to be?

Have faith. Keep on praying. That’s what my mother would say over and over. Although her words are really comforting, I doubt if I could do a complete 180 in time.

I need a long vacation. Or at least decent hours of peaceful sleep. Or maybe a sensible talk with someone just to release my tension. And no, anxiety attacks do NOT count as release.